A Turbulent Mind’s day.
It’s 5 in the AM, and I am wide awake and my mind is on a HIIT. It’s completely normal. Experts estimate that the mind thinks between 60,000–80,000 thoughts a day. And my mind exceeds even the maximal. And as the dawn cracks, my turbulent mind gets to work.
People like me look like just normal people on the exterior, you know, like a calm duck, afloat, but unbeknownst to most of you, deep down we are flapping our way through the muddy water. The thoughts just wont stop and I wont steer you wrong but this can be really exhausting.
Its 8 in the AM, I am with my coffee. My mind runs through the day and the activities and then it runs again with all the other permutations.
“Will I be able to make it through”.
“What challenges will I face?”.
“Will I have a satisfied day?”.
“Will I be happy on returning”.
“I should reduce my caffeine intake”.
“Should I gym in the morning or evening”
“Why are Mondays blue and how to overcome it”
And the list goes on.
Its 11 in the AM. It is dreary overcast, quite absurd for California. It was the same weather when I had landed here for the first time and ever since then I am not very big fan of cloudy weather. My mind prances as I look up to gaze the sky.
“Why is it so cloudy today?”
“Why is my mood terribly dependent on the weather?”
“Is it normal?”
“How to change my mood amidst the overcast?”
“When will it be sunny again?”
“Do I have an umbrella in the trunk?”
“Oh god, wind-speed is 26 mph, godspeed!”
Its 1 in the PM, I am at a nearby Chipotle (a mexican grill). But contradictory to others, food does not quiet my mind either.
“Oh, the beans are lovely, but they are carbohydrates”.
“Nevermind, they are the good ones”.
“Avocado! fat but good fat”.
“This is too good but too filling”.
“I need to leave out some space for the Tiramisu in the refrigerator”.
“I think i’ll have a smoothie at night to balance out”
“What was the expiration date of the milk?”
“How do they afford to sell such a good thing at $7?”.
“Adulteration?”.
Its 6 in the PM. Its a cool breezy beach and standing on the cold sand I set my eyes on a distant ship (so distant that no one else would realize it is there). I think about the number of people on the ship. I zone out and the following questions arise consecutively.
“Can they see the coast-lights?”.
“Can they see how many people are there on the beach looking at them?”.
“Do they feel sea-sick?”.
“ Do they crave to be home”?.
“I am so lucky to be on land”.
“I am so lucky to be with my loved ones”.
“Where will the ship disappear now?”.
“Is the sea rough out there?”
“Is a sea-man looking back at me through their binoculars?”
It’s 8 in the PM. Dinner was supposed to be balancing out the morning Chipotle. But I am all the more hungry, and juice will not suffice. Eggs are the best when you have nothing handy. I get in my comfy pajamas and my mind kicks off.
“Why did I forget to get the grocery?”
“Should I just order DoorDash something?”
“But what if it I end up eating more?”
“What if I throw the leftovers?”
“There are kids starving!”
“I don’t want to entertain my midnight hunger”
“Netflix? Youtube?”
“13 reasons why?”
And seemingly so, the turbulent mind’s day has come to an end. The day has ended but thoughts haven't. The gratis time is used to think about long gone past and rebuilding it in the mind in the present and in the way you would want it to be. We all are floating on some kind of clouds, but turbulent minded people float on the highest ones.
Its 10 in the PM. Earl Grey or Lavender or even Chamomile tea wont help neither will those lovely essential oils they assure you about. I find my refuge in NyQuil (An over-the-counter medicine which treats fever) and sprawl in bed, thinking about the events and occurrences in the day. I thank NyQuil as I doze away. But second last note.
“How and when will I stop thinking so much”
Last thought
“I am exhausted”.
